My Rockin' Hot Boss

I work for a lady with a rockin' hot body. She's a mom in her mid-30s but she's one of those rare breeds that can happily wear the shortest of short-shorts and not look silly. Yeah, her boobs are fake, her tan is fake, her nails are fake, her hair color is fake, even half the hair on her head is fake. Plus she wears more makeup in one day than I wear in a year. But still, she's got a rockin' hot body. Her legs and butt are awesome and to the best of my knowledge those are real. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that she used to be a lingerie model? Yup, she was. And I get to work next to her.

Sometimes having a person with brains (she owns her own successful business), beauty (see above description) and tons of money (her husband also owns his own successful business) around you on a regular basis can become a motivational tool. Or, in my case, it can just be a drag. No matter how hard I try, I will never look like her. I realize that's because I am waaaay too lazy to go the extra mile that she has gone. I am not going to get a boob job. I am not going put in hair extensions. And I am not going to get a fake tan (those spray booths really freak me out!) Of course it's important to note that I keep my hair super short because I am far too lazy to style it. And I only break out the eyeliner and mascara for weddings and funerals. So clearly I am nowhere near her league of visual reconstruction. However, I'm okay with that.

I seriously thought that if I worked out I could get the legs and ass that she has, but that's just not happening. What was I thinking? I would go to my little exercise classes a couple times a weeks and presto, hot body? Yup, that is exactly what I was thinking. Sadly, I didn't even have her legs and ass even when I was super thin back in high school. I had cellulite (something I've been told can be covered up with a fake tan) and jiggly thighs even then. I barely weighed 115 lbs and still had a sqooshie tooshie. I looked in to liposuction once, but decided it was totally out of the question when I heard that the fat comes back, but in a different location. I do not need ass fat on my arms! I am not okay with that.

I remind myself that I eat well and exercise to stay healthy, not to look hot. Should consider buying some under-eye concealer, or maybe some of that body lotion that makes you look tanner after a couple weeks? Probably. But I also remind myself that I'm too lazy to actually use it longer than a couple days. And so, I am left with my pale skin and naturally curvy body and manly haircut. On most days I'm okay with that.

It's important to note that I really do like my boss. Once you get past the fake blond hair and the big fake boobs, she's a really fun lady with a wicked snarky sense of humor. And I'm totally okay with that!